Dear newscasters, radio journalists, podcasters, and general public

Dear newscasters, radio journalists, podcasters, and general public,
I’m fairly confident that no jury in the free world will convict me if I immediately execute the next person that say’s, “I’m just sayin’,” post-declarative sentence.
Is this what we’ve come to?! We have to make a statement and then describe what we just did. I fully understand that you just said whatever pearl of wisdom that originated from your cerebrum, pulsated (sometimes in the form of convulsions) in the form of low voltage electronic charges through neurons, to your larynx, and then (thank God) dropped from your tongue to my ears.
“It’s cold out there. I’m just sayin’.”
“I love me some McDonald’s french fries. I’m just sayin’.” (Sidebar: Good to see that Mc’ie D’s has gone out to get the very best advertising agency. I thought Dru Hill was selling insurance by now not singing about McNuggets.)
“Dude. You can’t do that in public. I’m just sayin’.”
“In preparation for my colonoscopy, I’m pretty sure I shit out parts of my spleen. I’m just sayin’.”
“I don’t know where you come from, but that’s not how you perform a ‘reverse cowboy.’ I’m just sayin’.”
God help us all.

Yours,
-r