Dear Bananas

Dear Bananas,

I'm not ready to commit to saying I love you, but I like you, well...most of you. I appreciate that you are nutritious and 58 cents a pound, but the brown spots are so unnecessary. You've got that great comic appeal (get it, a peel), but you make me gag when I eat the squishy, sugary, brown parts. You would think that the brown sugary bit would be delicious, like chocolate or coca cola, but no. It's just like Slimer from Ghost Busters punching me in the back of the throat. Ew. I would really appreciate if you could work on growing a thicker skin so when I throw in my purse you don't turn to pudding before it's time to eat you for my afternoon snack.

Thoughtfully yours,
Gagging in the library

P.S. Also, if you could work on not giving me heartburn too that'd be swell.