Dear Walmart Shopper girl,
I realize that Saturday morning is an extremely casual time and that rolling out of bed is a major accomplishment. However, I must protest when I see you and your extreme fake and bake tan, ass the size of 2 country hams, silk boxer shorts that are creeping where they shouldn't because they are 2 sizes 2 small and UGGGH boots on, walking through the cookie aisle. My God woman, do you not realize how ridiculous you look? I saw enough cellulite to sink a battle ship! Do you not realize that there are children in Walmart who will likely now be in therapy and on Zyprexa for the rest of their natural born lives from seeing this sight?!?!? The Good Lord only know how many grandma's and grandpa's you sent running for the nursing homes! Please, in the name of all that is holy, never go out in public looking like that again. It is events like this that make be believe we have way too many participants in the gene pool.
Love ya,
What should be, but obviously isn't, your common sense
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