Dear Ketchup and Mustard

Dear Ketchup and Mustard,
You two are some FIERCE patriots sporting your bright suits at the S.O.T.U. address. I <3 your unflinching fashion sense. Who would have thought fluorescent yellow was such a fetching color? And your friend in the red is sheer perfection. When you stand up and sit down together during the speech and you clap with such enthusiasm, it makes me feel like I'm at a baseball game and YES, I WANT A HOT DOG! AND A PRETZEL! 'Cause it's root, root, root for the home team! If they don't win it's a shame! For it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old Washington game.

God bless America, and God bless your suits,
~Condiment Luvah